difficult

why is everything so hard and difficult?? it's so torturing! it's so hard to just see you and be with you. even wanna be with you for a bit more longer also cannot.

WTF??!! SHIT

FUCK MY LIFE

do you even understand?

yes, i'm trying to change my temper. it's been six days. so far, so good. no arguments.

BUT..........

sometimes, he didn't really know i'm really upset over something. because i keep it all to myself. i dare not to voice out because i don't want him to be unhappy nor causing arguments. i just keep quiet. sometimes i can get over it but some, i can't really do so but i have no choice. if he suspects there's something wrong, i had to force myself not to blurt out my feeling. i'll just tell him nothing, it's okay. but i swallow everything up by myself.

it's hard for a person to change. but i have to because for him, i'm willing to change. even though it's that hard to change. there's even a Chinese's saying said that it is impossible for a person to change. well, for me, it's not impossible, but rather difficult.

*sigh* does he understand my situation now? because i realized he has changed too. not his heart, but his actions. or perhaps i think too much??

bitter me

I hate myself

okay to be specific, i HATE my temper. totally!

why? because i have a real bad temper. i lose my temper easily. worst thing is, even if that person who pissed me off is my hubby, i still don't give in and just lose my temper right away.

i know, i promised to myself, to him and even to God that i will change my bad temper in this new year. but i kept letting him down,and even myself.

but does anyone know, every time after i lost my temper, i would feel really bad about myself and warm tears even rolled down my cheeks whenever i think back about how badly i've treated him and over-reacted.

over these months, he has been holding on and bear with all my flaws especially my worst temper. i really pity him, i really do wanna change my temper though but i just don't know why i get loose easily.

he's the best, i know, that's why i always feel bad about scolding and yelling bad words at him. i never fail to apologize to him whenever i did all those to him because i know i've over-reacted and i've hurt him with my strong scoldings. but deep inside, i didn't mean anything about the bad words i've said to him. i'm an easily forgive and forget person. i don't go remember unhappy memories and i don't go remember what miserable things he had done. all because i love him.

he is too good to be a boyfriend, a hubby. it's all my temper's fault. i really really really hope that i can change it. i don't want to make him unhappy always just because of my temper. i'm really sorry hubby, i know i've apologized many times. but i just still feel bad about myself, that's why i'm putting this post out.

i want things to be good and be the best for us. i just miss you too much. i can't wait for february to go back celebrate chinese new year, valentine's day and last but not the least, our 1st anniversary! =))

looking forward for february 14th. and i'll be back on the 11th!! :))

*32 more days to go*

1st day of college = STRESS!!

It's just the first week of college and then what i've gotten into??!

stress!

yea. lecturers have been giving endless works and heartache news about the public exam that we're gonna sit during the year end.

i'm wondering, can i bear them all? i have to believe in myself i know. BUT......

*sigh*

i need strength...from you God...

and i miss the year end holiday..

especially miss my hubby!

*34 more days to go*

2010

it's the new style for new year!

yeah it's been agesssss since i last blogged.. 'cuz busy working during the holidays.

well umm.. i'm kinda lazy to blog too..

since it's new year, so might as well talk about my new year's resolution.

so here goes:

1. study hard, and i mean super hard

2.stop being lazy

(these two are hard. and i really hope that i can do 'em!!)

3. able to face all challenges in my relationship with HIM..

(it will be a tough year 'cuz won't be able to see him for monthssS)

that's all..just that simple for my new year's resolutions. i'm not asking for more.

i love u hubby! and will always do.

BUSY busy busy = MOODY

i'm soooo busy!

don't even have the time to blog about interesting stuffs. and i'm using my time in SOFA class to blog. finals is just within one week's time but tests are still going on this week. subjects after subjects.


and currently feeling so moody. i really hate it when i'm feeling moody during test or exam period 'cuz it will make my temper worst. i've been A 'LIL quiet in class recently. yeah a 'lil, 'cuz i don't like being too quiet though, so even when i'm moody, i'll still fool around A BIT.


i hope that everything goes smoothly next week and during my year end holiday.


*14 days TO GO!!*

I'm soooo gonna get this!

OMG OMG! Lady GaGa's re-release album "The Fame Monster" will be out on this coming 24th November!

One of the official album covers.

i love this version.

kinda scary though, like the ghost fron "the ring".

I'm soooo gonna get one of this new album of hers, original! the album will include remixes of the old songs from her previous album "The Fame" plus eight extra songs on it!! it's worth it! since i love ALL her songs in "The Fame" album and i haven't bought the original cd, it's a smart choice for me to buy her new re-release album "The Fame Monster".

These will be the new eight songs featured in "The Fame Monster":

1. Bad Romance
2. Alejandro
3. Monster
4. So Happy I Could Die
5. Speechless
6. Dance In The Dark
7. Telephone
8. Teeth

she's so talented, she wrote all her songs by her own and even to other famous artistes as well. at age 4, she learnt piano by ear! how great was that. and she had written her first piano ballad when she's only 13. she's just too inspiring! though she has a "daring" image, but that's her, quirky and eccentric.

I.JUST.LOVE.HER.SO.MUCH